February 28, 2009

just another day…

Posted in Uncategorized at 10:02 pm by dlwitten

So Jonathan received notice that he will be losing his job in June.  Hopefully not sooner than that, but time will tell.  He doesn’t seem to be too worried.  I, on the other hand, am.  i can’t even describe what I’m feeling right now – I feel like…a shell.  I’m a body full of emotions and right now I just want to lay down and cry.  I’m fully supportive and I have faith that he will find another job, but for some reason I just want to cry.  Maybe it’s my hormones, maybe it’s not.  I’m not too worried about the money – I’m a super saver and we have plenty saved up.  I guess I just don’t like not knowing.
Everyone’s “so sorry” – well don’t be.  we dont need your sympathy.  no one is ill or dying.  it’s just a job.  there will be others.

and the other thing on my mind:  babies.  Everyone around me is having them, first times, 2nd’s and even 3rd.  I can’t even get my body regulated – and it just bugs the shit out of me that everyone else is popping out kids…why can’t i?  is there something wrong w/me?  ehh, who knows – maybe motherhood isn’t in my cards and maybe it is.  Again, time will tell.

I was grocery shopping today and all through out the store i kept running into the same woman w/her daughter – and alls she did was tell her what a pain in the ass she was and yelling at her for every little thing.  It just blew my mind away.  Some people try and try and try to have children and would make the greatest parents, and others just pop them out and then make these scenes out in public.  i have another friend – her and her husband can’t seem to conceive – and i think they’d make the greatest parents…i just pray that God will give them the child they deserve one way or another (natural or adoption).

I dn’t know how I’ll feel if Jonathan and I can’t produce our own children – guess that’s why they make therapy.  LOL.  Lord knows I’ll need that then.  But who knows…maybe it’s just taking me much longer to get myself regulated.  I need to keep positive.  Though it is extremely hard sometimes.  They don’t call me sunshine for nothing.  Time to put on a  happy face and roll w/the punches.

It’s only the beginning of March and I already feel like this isnt our year.  The good Lord is going to test us – are we going to pass or fail?

Let’s see what happens…


1 Comment »

  1. mamadx2 said,

    aaahhhh now I get the e-mail..lol.. I’m just a little slow…

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